Monday, April 24, 2017

Finding Hope in the Pain: Guest Post...

Today I am so excited to introduce you to my friend, Molly.  We connected on Instagram and we have so much in common.   Our shared faith, miscarriage, motherhood, and our love for the name Lucille (her daughter's middle name ;) among many other things.  I know you will love her as much as I do and her story!  I am also guest posting over on her blog today and sharing "The Road to Lucille Violet", so go check it out!  



Molly and her daughter Lily

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FINDING HOPE IN THE PAIN
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Hi!  My name is Molly, and I am a wife to my husband David, step-mom to his daughter Audrey (14) and mom to our babies Lily (22 months) and Tommy (2 months).  My joy in life comes from God and helping others see they are not alone.  I believe in truth-telling and stories because that’s how we learn.  I blog at Blogging In The Between, and I’m really excited to be doing a guest post here!

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In sharing a bit of my story, I’m praying it offers some comfort and encouragement, but mostly the realization that you’re not alone.
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My story has changed so much over the years.  Of course it has.  It would be a little sad if it hadn’t.  Now, as a 33-year-old married woman, my story is about my family – my marriage, our angel babies, our blended family, and our two little ones.  My family is the source of my joy and my pain, my struggles and my growth. 

Molly, Lily and Tommy

It’s incredible how much we’ve been through, how much we’ve grown, how much God has done in our lives.  The good and the bad is all smooshed together in one big beautiful mess. 


I had my first miscarriage shortly after David and I got married.  I lost my second baby right before Christmas, my third the week after our 1st anniversary, my fourth a few days after Father’s Day, and the fifth was technically two losses in an IVF cycle.  Our good is always closely tied to our bad.


All that death was like a weight around my neck.  I missed out on a lot.  I damaged a few relationships.  I wasn’t myself.  I wasn’t capable of being myself.  How could I be when I couldn’t even trust my own body?

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It’s difficult to even explain the pain.  To lose a pregnancy is to lose hope.  It’s a death.  With it come fear and shame and doubt and grief. 
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During those two-and-a-half years of miscarriages and failed fertility treatments (3 treatments in the year between miscarriages 4 and 5), my relationship with God fluctuated from one end of the spectrum to the other.  There were times I hated Him, times I prayed nonstop, times I was too angry to listen to any worship music or go to church, times I got down on my knees and begged.




One of the things that made the IVF so difficult was that I truly felt God was telling me it would work, that I was pregnant, that it was finished.  Of course, this was true, just not in the way I expected.  After the IVF miscarriage(s), I got pregnant naturally with my baby girl.  I was watched carefully and they put me on progesterone, but the pregnancy was full term without any complications.




I’ve never prayed so much.  It was all I could do, the only thing I truly had control over.  I was so scared all of the time.  It didn’t matter how good the doctor appointments were or what the blood work showed.  I knew too much.  I knew we could lose her just like we lost all the others.  So I prayed.

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My daughter is a perfect testament to God’s faithfulness and redemptive nature.  
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She is my calm after the storm.  Everything about the pregnancy and birth was a prayer fulfilled.  The joy comes in the morning.


I think it’s fitting National Infertility Awareness Week is so close to Easter this year.  Glennon Doyle Melton often writes, First the pain, then the rising.  I’ve read Easter weekend described as pain on Friday, waiting on Saturday, and rising on Sunday.  






No matter where you’re at in your journey, Sunday always comes.  The pain and the waiting is awful, but it’s also what cause the rising, the joy, the growth.  It’s what allows you to be grateful for the journey and not take anything for granted at the destination.  It’s what makes your story a story. 




I hope you were encouraged by her sweet testimony.  I know I can relate to pain -- waiting -- rising in my own life!  You can follow her on Instagram and her blog.  Thanks so much Molly for sharing with us!  What resonated with you?  Leave a note and let her know!


10 comments:

  1. Yes!!! What a beautifully powerful message this is. God is so good, and Jeremiah 29:11 has been on my heart lately. This post goes perfectly with the message of that verse. #hallelujah

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  2. What a powerful and beautiful post that hits really close to home. Thank you for sharing your story Molly.

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  3. I can't even imagine what you've gone through experiencing five miscarriages. My one miscarriage almost did me in. It was by far the hardest thing that I've ever gone through, but it sure did make me that much more thankful for my two healthy babies when we were finally blessed with them. I'm sure you feel the same way! This was a beautiful post, Molly!

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    1. I definitely feel that way! It allows some space for patience and gratitude even in the most difficult or stressful moments for sure. Thank you so much for reading and for the feedback!

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  4. Love this post!! What a powerful story. I too have experience miscarriage and it's crazy where your mind will let you go. I am so happy you got your rainbow babies!!

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    1. Thank you so much! The brain is indeed a messy place. Thank goodness God's there to help clear it out :)

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  5. Though I have not had a miscarriage, Molly's words resonated with me so powerfully as I miss my sister and her family. It's hard, but all I can do is pray! And sometimes I forget to do so. Thanks for these wonderful words of truth God has spoken to my heart through you! :)

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  6. That was the verse I focused on prior to my pregnancy! I even got a swaddle blanket with that on it for Lily from Modern Burlap. So lovely. Thanks for the feedback :) ~Molly

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  7. Hello
    After a history of painful, heavy periods and having had an ovary removed,I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Because that my remaining fallopian tube was blocked, the only chance I and my husband had of conceiving was through IVF.
    The condition meant that fertility treatment was very painful in spite of the treatment it wasn't successful .

    "From the age of 17 or 18, I had very bad periods, but my GP seemed uninterested. At 21, I had emergency surgery for appendicitis and awoke to discover I had also had an ovary removed, due to a large cyst. Although I had a histology (examination with a microscope of tissue removed during surgery), endometriosis (a condition in which endometrial cells, which normally line the uterus, implant around the outside of the uterus and/or ovaries, causing internal bleeding, pain and reduced fertility) was not diagnosed until much later.
    With all these challenges, the possibility of getting pregnant was very difficult...I read an article of how Rahany Herbal Center, that helped a woman to conceive with the use of the herbal treatment...I contacted the address rahanyherbalcenter@yahoo.com....I ordered for the herbs and it worked. I conceived through the use of the herbs as instructed also. Contact rahanyherbalcenter@yahoo.com for help.

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