Finding Hope in the Pain: Guest Post...

Today I am so excited to introduce you to my friend, Molly.  We connected on Instagram and we have so much in common.   Our shared faith, miscarriage, motherhood, and our love for the name Lucille (her daughter's middle name ;) among many other things.  I know you will love her as much as I do and her story!  I am also guest posting over on her blog today and sharing "The Road to Lucille Violet", so go check it out!  



Molly and her daughter Lily

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FINDING HOPE IN THE PAIN
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Hi!  My name is Molly, and I am a wife to my husband David, step-mom to his daughter Audrey (14) and mom to our babies Lily (22 months) and Tommy (2 months).  My joy in life comes from God and helping others see they are not alone.  I believe in truth-telling and stories because that’s how we learn.  I blog at Blogging In The Between, and I’m really excited to be doing a guest post here!

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In sharing a bit of my story, I’m praying it offers some comfort and encouragement, but mostly the realization that you’re not alone.
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My story has changed so much over the years.  Of course it has.  It would be a little sad if it hadn’t.  Now, as a 33-year-old married woman, my story is about my family – my marriage, our angel babies, our blended family, and our two little ones.  My family is the source of my joy and my pain, my struggles and my growth. 

Molly, Lily and Tommy

It’s incredible how much we’ve been through, how much we’ve grown, how much God has done in our lives.  The good and the bad is all smooshed together in one big beautiful mess. 


I had my first miscarriage shortly after David and I got married.  I lost my second baby right before Christmas, my third the week after our 1st anniversary, my fourth a few days after Father’s Day, and the fifth was technically two losses in an IVF cycle.  Our good is always closely tied to our bad.


All that death was like a weight around my neck.  I missed out on a lot.  I damaged a few relationships.  I wasn’t myself.  I wasn’t capable of being myself.  How could I be when I couldn’t even trust my own body?

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It’s difficult to even explain the pain.  To lose a pregnancy is to lose hope.  It’s a death.  With it come fear and shame and doubt and grief. 
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During those two-and-a-half years of miscarriages and failed fertility treatments (3 treatments in the year between miscarriages 4 and 5), my relationship with God fluctuated from one end of the spectrum to the other.  There were times I hated Him, times I prayed nonstop, times I was too angry to listen to any worship music or go to church, times I got down on my knees and begged.




One of the things that made the IVF so difficult was that I truly felt God was telling me it would work, that I was pregnant, that it was finished.  Of course, this was true, just not in the way I expected.  After the IVF miscarriage(s), I got pregnant naturally with my baby girl.  I was watched carefully and they put me on progesterone, but the pregnancy was full term without any complications.




I’ve never prayed so much.  It was all I could do, the only thing I truly had control over.  I was so scared all of the time.  It didn’t matter how good the doctor appointments were or what the blood work showed.  I knew too much.  I knew we could lose her just like we lost all the others.  So I prayed.

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My daughter is a perfect testament to God’s faithfulness and redemptive nature.  
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She is my calm after the storm.  Everything about the pregnancy and birth was a prayer fulfilled.  The joy comes in the morning.


I think it’s fitting National Infertility Awareness Week is so close to Easter this year.  Glennon Doyle Melton often writes, First the pain, then the rising.  I’ve read Easter weekend described as pain on Friday, waiting on Saturday, and rising on Sunday.  






No matter where you’re at in your journey, Sunday always comes.  The pain and the waiting is awful, but it’s also what cause the rising, the joy, the growth.  It’s what allows you to be grateful for the journey and not take anything for granted at the destination.  It’s what makes your story a story. 




I hope you were encouraged by her sweet testimony.  I know I can relate to pain -- waiting -- rising in my own life!  You can follow her on Instagram and her blog.  Thanks so much Molly for sharing with us!  What resonated with you?  Leave a note and let her know!


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