Thursday, June 4, 2015

Dear Last Baby...

Dear Last Baby,

You are my last.  You are just a short paper chain away from joining the world and most importantly our family.  You have already been knitting a special place in my heart, long before you were formed in my womb.  My heart was prepared to love you, I desperately wanted to love you.

As we anticipate meeting you, I am so anxious.  Who will you be? Who will you look like? Will you have my best traits or your daddy's?  How much will you weigh?  Will you like to sleep?  Will you snuggle up against my neck?  Oh I am anxious to meet you and just admire every precious part God created.  If I stare at you a little too long, don't be scared, I just have been dreaming of it for so long.

Last little one, your firsts will be our lasts, such a beautiful bittersweet time.  I can see now as my heart prepares why babies of the family get a bad wrap.  We have navigated this parenting road for a while and unlike our first where we were cautious to make sure every milestone was completed on time, our 2nd where we started to settle down but were still in the throws of young parenthood, now we have seen that the baby stage is over in the blink of an eye.  The days (and nights) may be long but the years do go by so so fast.

I watch your brother and sister and see their need for me lessen every day.  Oh it tugs on my heart strings, this is what we strive for, desire for them.  They still need my kisses, my snuggles and my affirmation but gone are the days they need me to change them, they are growing more independent by the day.  I watch them more as their little imaginations run wild and they dash through life care free in the midst of childhood.

We are starting again with you but I know this time will go by so fast, I plan on holding you a little longer, smelling you a little more, savoring the memories a little deeper and giving God the gratitude I had one last chance to experience it all.  I am writing you this so in my sleep deprived state I can remember I have been waiting for this moment for a while.

We prayed for you, we wanted you, and I carried you and despite all the strife you and my body gave me...I would do it all over again for the chance to meet you face to face.  I would do it for your sister and brother too.  You all are the very best your daddy and I have had the privilege of helping create.

We love you, can't wait to meet you and our hearts are nearly bursting with love to share with you.  Just remember you gave me a lot of grief in the womb, so at least be a doll and cuddle!  Counting the days until your heartbeat no long beats within my womb but your eyes and mine meet...

Love,
Mommy

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