Titus Tuesday: Intimacy with God...

Note: This was my last time sharing a devotion and leading Titus.  Due to Solon's preschool schedule in the fall and it being his last year at home, I had felt God telling me to put what I say to practice and focus on my highest calling and ministry, my family :).  I am so thankful for the time God allowed me to pour into these ladies and hope someday to return to sharing God's word with ladies! There is a time for everything under the Son!

We are in a great book study by Joanna Weaver, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World."  This weeks' discussion centers on the balancing act of worship and work.  Really a blend of the two sister's strengths or vice versa's perceived weakness that they leaned into and overcame.  I want to overcome my spiritual weaknesses, don't you?

My problem with this whole chapter started when Joanna referenced being on a teeter-totter and either falling to worship or to service.  See, I had gotten off the teeter-totter earlier this spring when my panties got in a bunch with God.

I am a work in progress.  Our Christian walk is not absolute.  There are hills and there are valleys.

 Be confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.   
Philippians 1:6

I have felt God working on me and I have been telling him “hands off dude”.  I want to be transformed, I want to have a deeper, stronger relationship with Him, I want, I want, I want…..but I don’t want to do the work, be inconvenienced, or it to hurt.  I have felt nudged but in my stubbornness instead of leaning in, I leaned out. 

Life got busy and God got left out.  

Too often my prayers became like a shopping list rattled off than conversations.  Not a great way to approach any relationship, let alone a relationship with a loving Heavenly Father. 

We had committed this 3rd child to the Lord and His desires for timing but in the back of my mind, I still had a plan!  Well it didn’t work out and my world was tipped off of its axis.  How dare you God mess with my plans and deny me this, at my core these were some very personal, albeit embarrassing conversations I had with Him.  I did my best to sputter in service all the while my spiritual gas tank was on empty.  There were obviously some thorns in my spiritual walk and God had some pruning to do.

After the first few months with no baby and having my moment(s) of anger with God, it was if we crossed a ford in the river when I realized it wasn't his fault nor mine and this time should not be in vain.  

I knew He was working on me.  It was time I listened.  

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 
2 Corinthians 12:9

So in my delicate, fragile and weak state – I came to Him.  A good relationship doesn’t just happen, it takes work and discipline and giving of oneself.  I had to become broken over my selfishness.  I am selfish for time for me (we get so little as young moms).

Luke 11:9-10
So I say to you, Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, the one who seeks finds and to the one who knows, the door will be opened.

Once I started knocking, the door was opened.  I have started setting time apart for Him and me.  I am journaling (not normally my thing) and recording prayer requests so I can be purposeful in prayer for people.  It has been cool to watch answered prayer unfold already.  I have also started getting knee deep in prayer, going beyond the emergency type needs – praying for redemption and brokenness over my sin, praising Him for all He is and does, and thing I need refined in my walk and personality.   Things like cover my fragile heart, help me to seek you with my whole heart, Help me to spend time with you, help my life to be a fragrant offering.  He will answer but we have to ask.  In our weakness, He is strong.

So if you are like me and feeling like you are not even sure what side of the teeter-totter you have been on, that maybe it has just been all sorts of "out of order" – you are not alone.  

But we can’t stay there.  

Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait on Him.”  Lamentations 3:22-24

This time was ordained for me.  

A time of tremendous and unexpected harvest for God and I and our relationship.  Once I figured where the teeter-totter went wrong and fixed it, I could hop back on and start working out that balancing act of equal parts worship and equal parts service.  I am committed to making my mess, my message.  

How is God nudging you and are you listening?  Are you letting "yesterday's famine, rob you of today's harvest"?

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