Ready to Listen...

Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Yesterday I was sure that I was pregnant.  We went to Target, discretely bought a 2 pack of tests and prayed all day I wouldn't wish the day away and would trust God whatever the outcome.  I woke up this morning, a mix of emotions.  Wanting to know and not, all at the same time.  All I want is another baby to hold.

Well there was no need for a test.  

I felt the flood of tears coming but in my pride, I refused them.  I was not going to mourn the loss of nothing at all.  I told Scott and got on with the business of the morning.  I texted a few close friends that I knew would lift me up in prayer -- I knew I would need it.

And then when I wasn't ready to cry, the tears came anyway.  They rolled one by one down my face.

My heart ached at what wasn't, the loss and what I was missing.  My heart aches for more, I know I am not finished in my "mom" role.  But God tells us not to mess with grammar - to not put a period that is meant for a comma.  Thankfully, He has placed some amazing women in my path who have walked this walk and understand the emotions and thoughts I feel and tell me they felt that way too.

God brought this song to my mind....

I will trust in You
You’ve never failed before
I will trust in You

If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it
Can you help me find it

I’m giving You fear and You give faith
I giving you doubt
You give me grace
For every step 
I’ve never been alone
Even when it hurts, You’ll have Your way
Even in the valley I will say
With every breath
You’ve never let me go
I will wait for You
You’ve never failed before
I will wait for You

And my heart and soul are saying this today -- I will wait on you Lord, you are faithful.

Last month I was mad, like sit in church and refuse to sing, mad.  So God has made progress in my fragile heart.  There is no anger today, pain and sadness, but no anger. God can comfort a sad heart. God is at work and is refining me in the midst of all of this.  I can feel it and today I asked for prayer from my friends to help me listen, not just hear, but truly listen to what He is teaching me.  I haven't had much interest in what God has had to say, I know He has been trying.  He never left.  I don't want to miss out on what God has for my life as I scramble for the next blessing.

He who has begun a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6

Pray for me that as I draw close to Him, I listen to what He has to say.  I am finally ready, I know He will be faithful in drawing me to what I need and loving me through this moment.  

Come near to God and He will come near to you.
James 4:8a

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.  I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."  The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
Lamentations 3:22-26

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
Psalm 119:105

Whatever lays ahead, I know this time is ordained by God.  And I don't want to be so focused on my plans that I miss out on His.

Easter...

Monday, April 28, 2014
We were up EARLY with anticipation of hidden eggs and Easter baskets filled with tiny prizes!

Ready to go check it all out...
The Easter bunny was given a brand new stroller for free from a friend (score) and Solon got a fun family game and some space stuff.  They both got some fun outdoor stuff as well!  They were delighted and anxious to go hunt eggs...





Mommy and Daddy got in on the action too as there was an adult egg hunt with clues and money at the end - Scott won, I blame the early morning and my brain being fuzzy.  I still got $$ in my eggs though!

It was a fun way to start the day.  We got ready in our Easter best and headed off to church to celebrate the Risen Savior who conquered death.  Then came home to a lovely Easter lunch complete with beautiful flowers and that delicious cake the kids and Nana made the night before!


Happy Easter!!!!





Fun at Nana and Papa's....

Wednesday, April 23, 2014
With Scott's parents wintering in Florida now (I know we are jealous too!), we hadn't been to their house in a while.  The kids were anxious to get reacquainted with all of the cool toys and Nana and Papa's 17 year old kitty, Sasha.  We also had some Easter fun, decorating eggs.  We also enjoyed the AWESOME weather and flew kites and took a walk around their neighborhood which is full of trees, gravel roads, and a river....Nature's playground!

Solon was very methodical about his eggs, taking equal turns with each technique and color.

Vera only used one color - purple!  No coaxing would change her mind :)

Everyone got in on the decorating...Even Great-Grandma was inspired to try a few!


I had fun with a shapie...making mini-me's!

Our finished masterpieces -- Marty did a double batch of color per container which helped the eggs to be more vibrant.

After the egg decorating, Vera decorated herself with extra stickers and then showed them to Great-Grandma and Daddy.

After all that hard work, we decided to get outside.  Nana's spring flowers were just starting to bloom...and we stopped to admire.  Our God is such an artisan.

 Of course I had my good camera so a few photos of my munchkins was in order and as long as they could run and roam and I chased snapping they were ok!

We flew kites (meaning Papa and I flew them) and the rest lost interest about 30 seconds in but it was a perfect day for kite flying.


Then an impromptu game of tag started, followed by some duck-duck-goose when we needed to rest and then a walk because we were dizzy :)


Good thing we took a walk because we got to go meet and feed the horses -- Lily and TJ.  Solon was in heaven.  They also have 3 friendly dogs which he loved on.  He LOVES animals.  He thought he was hot stuff giving them food, putting hay in the tire and water in their buckets.



After all that fresh air and dirt, we needed to wash up for Easter the next day.  We also had some multi-color fingers from egg decorating.
The kids love to be washed in the sink in the utility room at Nana's.  Solon is dreading the day he is too big.
And then before bed they had to decorate the delicious cake Nana made for Easter dinner.  That cake by the way is to.die.for.  It tastes like almond wedding cake....I may or may not have eaten most of the leftovers she sent home with us. YUM!
After the kids were in bed we played a round of Crazy Rummy as adults.  It was a late night which turned into an early morning because we had 2 excited kids wanting to see what was in their baskets.

Easter Photo Shoot...

Monday, April 21, 2014
I dusted off the "real camera" and stowed away the iPhone!  I forgot what a difference a real camera makes, the photos were so good and so fast, I caught more smiles!  I wonder how long it will be until I dust it off again, it was December the last time I used it....

I took a bunch of pictures and by the time I took out my phone to text a picture to family, Vera was beyond done with a camera in her face!  At least I got a few of them.  Solon was hamming it up!  Family photos are still HARD....I apologize in advnace for the photo overload.... :)
























Great Grandma Port and Kiddos

Nana and Papa and Kiddos



And Some Outtakes...
Most of the pictures looked like this - Solon being silly and Vera not wanting to participate








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